Most of depression comes from physiological issues that you can correct. Other aspects of depression can be solved with the correct sleep, relaxation, food, vitamins, and exercise. On top of that, we need people that support us.
One aspect that always gave me a hard time was not making enough money. This is a post about how my thoughts evolved over time on how to actually provide value to the world (and thus make money).
Secret to Get Anything You Want?
I didn’t believe it either. I always knew of the principle through certain religious and spiritual traditions, but never really believed it. If you do it simply to get what you want, it doesn’t work. Paradoxically, it has to be done in an almost zen-like state where you do it simply to do it, not for any other purpose.
I thought that I had to go balls to the wall for my own sake to get anywhere close to put me in the position where I could actually do it. It had to be about me until I had success, then I could give back.
It wasn’t until the 12th book that I read that mentioned it that I realized how powerful it must be. I found it in all the books about millionaires, the people who supposedly have no soul and are “greedy.”
What is the secret?
To Get What You Want, Give It
Give: to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation
Whatever your goal is, there is one thing that will always bring you to success. Giving value.
Success is becoming the person you need to be. You can’t make a million dollars until you become the person that produces a million dollars worth of value.
I hate to admit, but I thought that I had to be ruthlessly selfish to become a successful entrepreneur/business owner.
I decided to train myself to become a giving person instead and all sorts of amazing things have happened.
For one, it just feels damn good to do it.
I had a recent problem with an order from Amazon.com and had to chat with a customer representative. She was awesome. I received an email asking for feedback. As I was about to delete it, I grinned and sent this:
Sydney was amazing. I closed two chat windows previous to talking with Sydney because the others took too long, asked questions I had already answered, and didn’t seem to be getting anywhere.
When I opened the new chat window, I was surprised when Sydney communicated very clearly and got right to the core of the issue. She explained Amazon would refund my order, to which I replied that if I had too that would work, but I really wanted the product because I had free shipping on it.
She replied with this,
“I do understand where you are coming from, however, I do apologize because your item is sold by a seller and fulfilled by Amazon and because the seller’s inventory is constantly changing, we’re not be able to send a replacement but we may only be able to process a refund for this order. But as an exception for you,
when you re-order these items on the website, after the refund has been issued, we will give you free upgraded shipping for your item.
Would that work for you?”
I would never expect such a clearly written response that completely solved the need I was asking for. She demonstrated she understood, explained the situation from her side, then showed me how we could still give me a refund AND get the shipping that I wanted.
She literally solved my problem in a short amount of time, showed empathy towards my concern, and sent me on my way in a kind and timely matter.
Sydney is a great customer service representative and I believe she is a strong asset to your team.
I got a sick (healthy?) pleasure out of sending that message, and I felt great for the rest of the day. There is no way that that message would ever benefit me directly.
Becoming a giving person is awesome. Not just because it makes you magnetic to others around you, but it also feels good.
Maybe it is the fact that you radiate more with joy when you give that more positivity will flow into your life. Maybe it is that giving transforms you into a good person that people will trust. All I know is that true giving will benefit your life.
Connecting with Successful People
If you made $200 an hour, received hundreds of emails a day, and saw an email titled “Please Help” that said, “I want to make a million dollars. Tell me how.” Would you even open it?
When you have a million things to do and your niece comes in and asks you to help her cook a meal, you ignore her and tell her you are busy.
Those are perfect examples of people taking value without giving any in return. That is the equivalent of being a black hole of happiness that sucks the life out of everyone around you without dishing out any in return. And we all know that everyone is secretly afraid of black holes.
Let’s say your niece needs you to open up a jar of food and help her cook for 5 minutes. She can either say, “Hey! Help me cook I am hungry!” to which you would close the door and secretly hope it hits her in the face (not really, just using dramatization to keep your attention you asshole) ;).
Or she could say, “Hey I’m cooking some food and would love to make extra for you. You look really busy and I can help you save some time by making you some food and bringing it down to you when it’s ready. Could you come up and open a jar for me real quick and help me get down the pan so I can get started?”
By offering to give first either upfront or after you receive their help, it shows that you value them and aren’t basically trying to rob them of their value.
Whole New World of Possibilities
I had a coworker who had to move into another apartment. She was moving on July 4th and seemed to be in distress.
I offered to help, only because I knew I’d get a sick (healthy?) pleasure from doing it without wanting anything in return.
I woke up early on July 4th and spent half the day helping her. She thanked me profusely afterwards. After hearing about my desire to be an entrepreneur, she then started sharing all her stories about her previous businesses.
She introduced me to her brother who had just moved here from Guatamala because he was making so much money in Guatamala the government hacked his bank account.
Not only did I get my fix for the day of doing a random deed, doors of opportunity opened up that wouldn’t have otherwise.
I took this concept even further to contact a few entrepreneurs I admired. Instead of simply emailing them and trying to get something from them, I offered to work for free.
One responded to my email, thanked me for my appreciation and offered me a project. I took it and he said that if my work saves him time, he will offer me mentoring.
Mentoring from someone who has done exactly what I want to do is invaluable.
There was another entrepreneur who I knew I couldn’t really offer any work, so instead I offered appreciation and evidence that I took his advice and applied it. I told him how much I admired his work and told him specific examples of how I implemented it.
He told me that I can now send him any idea that I have and he will personally respond with whether or not the idea has potential to make money in the long run.
Simply by giving true appreciation, I now can ask someone who was in my same shoes and who’s business is now on the track to making a few million dollars a year whether or not my idea is good before I pour hours of time into it.
The Giving Paradox
Being a giving person makes life so much more enjoyable. Giving by definition implies that you are losing something by placing it in the hands of others. However, instead of being in your head and wallowing in self pity and selfishness, you get to experience the joy of spreading joy. Not only that, but paradoxically you will start getting what you want.
In reality, most of it isn’t a paradox. People will give you what you want if you give them what they want. You can’t find a girlfriend by trying to act cool and relying on her to make you happy. You can only find a girlfriend and get what you want by giving her what she wants, whether that’s excitement or a cute lil cuddle buddy to watch movies with.
That business mentor doesn’t want to be bothered by giving advice to someone he doesn’t know. What he wants is to help someone who he personally connects with, who he can tell has read his stuff and executed, and who is willing to actually apply and do what he suggests.
It is the perfect example of win-win. Life becomes a journey of receiving and giving, every party always winning, and moving forward everyday.
If you want love, give love. If you want help with entrepreneurship, help out a successful entrepreneur.
It’s that simple.