12

You’ve Relapsed Into Depression… Now What?

As we are walking around exploring the waterfalls in Thailand I can’t help but feel… nothing. I am sitting here with a beautiful woman staring at waterfalls halfway across the world and I’m too tired to care.

How does she not know that in my head I secretly want to die right now?  Are all these depressive thoughts in my mind not visible on my face?  Can people not tell that I feel like I’m going insane?

Topics Discussed:
1:10 – Getting Depressed and Confused After Eating Food
2:00 – Feeling Nothing At a Waterfall While On a Date
2:50 – Falling Asleep Randomly In the Middle of the Day
3:37 – Going Completely Insane
4:45 – Wanting To Kill Myself
5:30 – Asking For Help and Doing Whatever I Have to for Recovery
6:05 – Talking to a Guy Named Manhattan Mango
7:30 – Taking the Right Actions Despite The Depression
8:15 – Recovery from a Relapse Of Depression
9:00 – Not Being Able To Talk To People While Depressed
10:35 – Ask For Help Regardless Of What Your Thoughts Are Telling You

We ride the scooter back to my apartment to grab some money so we can go eat some food.  As we go back into my apartment it is 6:00pm.  I decide to lay down for a second.  She doesn’t understand what depressed means, so I say that I am sad.  She doesn’t understand how I can be sad just riding a scooter around visiting various waterfalls.

All a sudden I’m opening my eyes.  I don’t really know where I am.  There is some weird music being played next door. I can very distinctly hear two undertones of the chords that I would never normally notice.  It keeps alternating back and forth and sounds like it is inside my room.  The band must be inside my room. I can’t really understand the rest of the music, I just keep hearing these two chords.

Those two chords…  Back and forth… Back and forth… They sound like middle eastern chords.  I’m in a war zone and I am destined to die.  I feel like I’m going schizophrenic.  I am so confused.  The type of confusion you can’t escape.  You are trapped in this prison where you don’t really know what’s going on, yet you know you don’t know what’s going on, but you don’t know what to do about knowing you don’t know what’s going on.

Sitting there staring around, the two chords keep playing over and over.  I know I’m going crazy.  I sit up in my bed.  The suicidal thoughts start to come in.  I let out of a few tears of pure confusion and not knowing what to do.

“I’m here again TJ.  After 3 years of thinking you’ve figured it out, you haven’t.  Now is the time to finally end it.”

Whoa.  Wait a minute.  Just don’t do anything.  All you can do is get up. Those thoughts aren’t real.  They are just simply a side effect of the depression. Those thoughts aren’t “you.”  They are just a side effect of the depression.  No need to freak out or think it has anything to do with “me.”

Start moving.  Go somewhere to eat.  Oh yeah, there is someone else here sleeping.  Just wake her up and go eat something. It’ll pass.

A Relapse Into Depression… And How I Overcame It.

I haven’t had a serious relapse into depression where I got suicidal thoughts for around 3 years as of this writing.  When it started to come back, I got a little scared.

For one, I had to let go of my ego.  For three years I had successfully avoided the beast.  For three years I hadn’t had to go to “the place.”

I had to accept the situation for what it was.

I ate something weird in Thailand and got extremely sick.  Ever since, my digestive system has been completely out of whack.  Ever since that incident I’ve felt off.

Slowly I just couldn’t handle food more and more.  It got to the point where I would eat a meal and I would get a headache, have bloating, and fall into a depression.

Every morning I started to wake up and not be able to get out.  I would force myself to get up and go run for 30 minutes.  It would give me temporary relief.  Healthy eating, vitamins, amino acids, and daily exercise were failing me to defeat my depression.  My digestive system was shot and I didn’t know what to do.  Uh oh…

The Importance of Realizing You Don’t Know Everything About Depression

If you did, you probably wouldn’t be depressed right now, right?

If there is one thing I want this site to represent is that you need to open your mind to other approaches and try everything until you find the cause of your depression.  Hopefully for you that can happen right now.  For me I didn’t allow myself to consider other approaches until I wrote an agreement I’d kill myself in a year if I didn’t find the answer.  That’s when I started trying other things and I got my first glimpse of real relief from depression.  The type of relief where I had self-esteem and motivation in life.

This time the depression snuck in a little differently.  I was doing everything right.  Exercising, eating healthy, etc.  But my digestive system must have gotten trashed by whatever I ate here in Thailand.  I accepted that it was time to get a 3rd opinion.  I wasn’t the most knowledgeable when it came to digestive issues as I never had had them this serious before.  Not only that, but I had no clue that digestive issues could cause depression this serious.

I sat there for weeks and weeks trying to figure it out on my own and hoping that it would go away naturally. Then it started to progress and I got more and more depressed.  So it was time to finally admit I needed help.

Asking For Help In Any Way Possible

When you are depressed, the hardest thing in the world is to ask for help. The next hardest thing is to properly receive help.  For some reason depression warps our minds to make us believe that we don’t deserve help.

I went to the hospital here in Thailand.  I saw a regular doctor and they said that I had post infectious IBS.  After looking up IBS, it seemed like it was just as confusing as an issue as depression.  They prescribed me a probiotic and some stuff so that my digestive system didn’t freak out every time I ate some food.

I was still having some scary thoughts so I booked an online session with a life coach.

The life coach explained to me that it was alright that I was suffering a little depression right then and there.  I didn’t have to be perfect for the people reading my site in order to help them.  He also made it really clear that it was okay to ask for help.  Even the most successful people need help all the time.  A lot of successful people are successful because they have the most help.

The thing is, the life coach didn’t tell me anything new.  But it was the act of reaching out for help and receiving it that helped me realize that I am still a valuable human being.  It was me taking action for myself and not just sitting there wallowing in my pain.

Chatting With A Random Person On The Internet

You know those hotlines that are for suicide?  Why is that when I am most depressed is the time when I am least likely to use them?

I wasn’t suicidally depressed anymore, but I was still feeling crappy.  I decided to just get on there and do it.  The time difference living in Thailand didn’t allow me to talk to someone on the phone, so I chose the chat option. A new chatroom opened up with a guy named ManhattanMango.

I started talking to him.  Just saying I felt depressed and confused.  I knew that he couldn’t actually do anything for me.  It was simply the act of me reaching for help that I knew was the real benefit here.  The other person never really helps us in certain sense, it is always us helping ourselves through another person.

After 3 minutes of talking to him it made me create a username.  I made my username ManhattanMango.  As soon as I reentered the chatroom he told me that that it was confusing that we had the same name.  I told him “I know.”

After talking to this guy and having fun unloading everything onto him, I felt better.  And some guy that lives in Manhattan and eats mangos now knows everything about my fears and desires.

Naturopathic Doctor

Another problem with depression is whenever I get depressed I have this weird belief that I should hold onto every penny that I have.  One of the filters that goes through my mind is that help isn’t worth the cost.

Wait a minute… I have a few hundred dollars to spare.  And I am suicidally depressed.  Am I telling myself that the best use of that money is sitting in my wallet while my depression worsens?

Even if we looked at it purely in an accounting sense, spending a few hundred dollars to fix my depression will not only possibly save my life, but I won’t be able to even make much money while I’m depressed.  Not spending the money to fix my depression will cause me to lose out on making money.

I wish I could think like that even while I’m depressed.  But I don’t.  I didn’t seek additional help until all a sudden I got the thought of a shotgun barrel pointed at my forehead.  Oh yeah, depression isn’t about willpower TJ. You need help.

I booked an appointment with a naturopathic doctor.  I started taking digestive enzymes, phytisone, and stopped taking my current probiotic.  The strain of bacteria in it didn’t seem to be affecting my digestive system very well and I needed to take something different.  I ordered the other form.

I also needed to drastically change what I eat for a few weeks for my gut to heal.

Did I sit there analyzing everything she said? No.  I just did it.

Doing What You Know Needs To Be Done… Regardless of No Energy

I ran every single day in the sun.  Every single time it sucked.  It was the hardest thing in the world to just get out of bed.

But I knew it needed to be done.  And over time, the depression would eventually lift.

I knew I had to go get healthy meals in.  Although I would have much rather laid there and not eaten anything, I knew I had to step out the door and do it.

I knew I had to ask for help and pay a professional to fix my digestive issues.  So I did.

I knew I needed to reach out regardless of how painful it was to show another human being what I was going through. So I did.

Relief and Looking Back

Now I’m writing these words and I feel good again.  There is something magical about coming out of a depression.  It’s like that classic overused image of being in some dark, nasty, rat infested tunnel trying to climb out and suddenly you “see the light.”  You feel better and you just want to hug everyone you see because of how valuable being healthy feels.

I hadn’t been that depressed for so long I was starting to forget just how hard it is to get help and take the actions necessary to move forwards.  It all makes perfect sense when you can think straight, but when you get to the point where you are so confused the song being played at the restaurant next door starts to sound like a middle eastern war song, it’s hard to take action.

I had moments of clarity where I knew I just had to ask for help and move.  I was going to be in pain for a few days to a week and I had to ride it out.  I had to shell out a few hundred bucks to receive the attention I needed.

I came out depression free once again, but I know that if you are suffering the same thing it might seem like an impossible task to pick up the phone and call somebody.

So please, get the help you need, force yourself to take the most basic of actions towards finding the root cause of your depression, and fix it.  Then go enjoy your mangoes in Manhattan ;).

If you are suicidal chat with a hotline.  If you need help find a therapist.  If you are having physical problems find a qualified doctor.  If you need to solve your depression completely sign up for my course.  Just make that first step and know that eventually the depression will fade.

1

Jarrow Formulas SAM-e an Honest Review

Topics Discussed:

0:16 – How Testing For Pyroluria Led Me To SAM-e
1:00 – Taking the First Dose
1:14 – Day 6 Thoughts and Feelings
1:37 – Lowered Motivation and Reduced Social Anxiety
2:10 – Month And A Half Later
2:40 – Dating More Women and Increased Pleasure
3:15 – Effects of SAM-e On Meditation
3:55 – Having More Fun Versus Working on SAM-e
4:30 – SAM-e with L-Phenylalanine
5:25 – Should You Try SAM-e?

I used to sit there and debate back and forth whether or not something would work in overcoming my depression.  It wasn’t until I had a severe depressive episode after my best friend died that I decided to think openly about different approaches.

If it looks safe and the research is safe – just try it and see.  That’s much better than debating back and forth in your head.

One thing I hadn’t tried yet was SAM-e (S-Adenosyl Methionine) but I had always heard about it.  I took one pill of Jarrow Formulas SAM-e 200mg every morning until the box was empty and recorded my experiences.

So how does SAM-e work?

Methylation Process And SAM-e

The body makes neurotransmitters out of amino acids by changing the amino acid slightly.  It usually does this by sticking a methyl group onto it.

The body needs a way to supply these methyl groups in order to use these amino acids for neurotransmitter production.  The methyl groups are attached to a molecule called SAM.  SAM delivers the methyl groups to where they are needed. Methylation is where the methyl group jumps off the SAM molecule to the amino acid.

After this happens, that SAM molecule turns into Homocysteine which is normally recycled back into the whole process.  A methyl group is added to SAM, it carries it back up to where it is needed, and the methyl group pops off again.  In order for this to happen correctly, the body needs the right amount of vitamins and nutrients, specifically Vitamin B12 and folic acid.

If it sounds complicated just remember this – if you don’t have enough nutrients in your body, the Homocysteine builds up and SAM isn’t made.  If SAM isn’t carrying methyl groups to where they are needed, neurotransmitters are not made, which is bad for depression.

The supplement SAM-e increases the supply of SAM in the body leading to an increased amount of methylation and therefore more neurotransmitters in the brain.

When I took a test for Pyroluria, my results actually showed that I had high levels of homocysteine.  So trying out SAM-e seemed to be a good choice.

Why I Chose Jarrow Formulas SAM-e 200mg

When researching SAM-e, Jarrow Formulas kept popping up.  It had numerous 5-Star reviews on Amazon and excellent reviews on other sites.  I had used Jarrow Formulas 5-HTP before and knew the brand was high quality.

Supposedly SAM-e also reacts with exposed to air.  If SAM-e is in a jar it can lose its potency quickly.  Jarrow Formulas puts their SAM-e in blister packs so they are protected from light and air.

I chose Jarrow Formulas SAM e 200 mg over Jarrow Formulas SAM-e 400 mg because I like to start with the lowest dose of something first. It’s safer and if a lower dose works that’s all you need anyways.  With supplements it’s always best to start low and increase the dose from there.

It’s the only brand I have tried and I’m sure there are other brands of SAM-e that work, but it appears to be the highest quality choice.

Reduced Anxiety and Enhanced Dating Life

The first thing I noticed was that I had reduced anxiety and increased pleasure.  Things started to feel slightly good for no reason at all and I was really enjoying my time.  My anxiety was reduced and I had an easier time talking to people.

After about a week of taking SAM-e I all a sudden started dating a bunch of women at once.  I dated more women in a few weeks than I usually do in a month.  I’m not sure why, but talking to the opposite sex seemed to come a lot more naturally.  I think that the effect of lowered anxiety also helped me with my sex drive as well.

Listening to music sounded better, riding a motorcycle through town was more fun than normal, and overall I was more laid back about things.

During one part of the experiment I got a little sick, but I also hurried and jotted down a few notes.  In my notes looking back I mention not feeling as motivated when it comes to work and how I just wanted to date women instead.

Lowered Anxiety, Increased Pleasure, But Lowered Motivation

I noticed after a while though that I was having a lot more fun than I was working.  I had lowered motivation and just wanted to have a good time.  This is the first time I’ve actually understood how some people get distracted by having a bunch of fun all the time.

I’ve always been able to work hard when I need to and ignore going out and having fun, but when I was taking SAM-e going out and having fun seemed to a much better choice.

After a while I realized that I wasn’t working anymore, so I decided to try supplementing with L-Phenylalanine with the SAM-e.

Combining SAM-e with L-Phenylalanine

Combing these two gave me even more pleasure than before.  I was able to work, but it felt like I had a lot of endorphins running through my brain.  I was really social, wanted to hang out with everybody, and I felt a lot more caring and loving.

Amino acids need to be taken on an empty stomach.  Since amino acids need some time to absorb, it is perfect for me to take them first thing in the morning and then meditate for 20 minutes.

During my meditation taking SAM-e and L-Phenylalanine together I would drift off into pleasurable states of mind all the time.  Before the experiment I would rigidly focus on my breath and not waver too much.  Taking the SAM-e and L-Phenylalanine beforehand I noticed I would sit there in an almost blissful state for 20 minutes.

Other Uses of SAM-e

I personally used SAM-e as an experiment to see how it would affect my daily mood and took it in the morning.  However, some people have taken SAM-e at night to help with sleep.  Other people take SAM-e to help with

joint pain.

It makes a lot of sense because Methylation isn’t just need for making neurotransmitters.  It is involved in numerous functions throughout the body.  If you have poor Methylation, you are also at risk for things like cardiovascular disease.

SAM-e has been known to help people suffering from liver disease and osteoarthritis.

Conclusion

Technically, people shouldn’t need SAM-e if they have enough B Vitamins (especially folate and B12) because that’s enough for the methylation process to function normally.

Some sources say that if you take SAM-e when you still have a shortage of B Vitamins necessary for Methylation, you will still build up Homocysteine in the body.

I don’t think SAM-e is a long term solution, but something that would be great to have for when you need it.  You are going strong for a few months, then are under a bunch of stress and feel like you are worn down, then take SAM-e for a week or two to get back on track.

Regardless, I can say that SAM-e definitely had an effect on me and works.  If it is something you haven’t tried yet I would recommend trying it out, especially if you know you might have higher levels of homocysteine (and therefore have an issue with Methylation).

The optimal solution is to have enough Vitamin B12, TMG, and folic acid to have the Methylation process occur naturally, but SAM-e can give you a boost if you need it.  SAM-e is a great choice if other supplements don’t work.

7

Why Therapy Failed Me For Years

Topics Discussed

0:35 – My Therapist That Started To Cry
1:05 – Even Good Therapists Couldn’t Cure Me
1:30 – The Books That Changed It All
2:05 – Problem With Changing Your Thoughts and Cognitive Approaches
2:20 – Depression is a State
3:30 – Depression And Negative Thoughts Are Two Sides To One Coin
4:12 – Negative Thoughts Can Be The Result Of Depression
4:43 – Other Things Work Once You’re In This State Of Mind
5:36 – In A Depressed State Its Hard For Other Things To Work
6:10 – After All Those Years Of Depression This Is What Worked For Me
7:35 – What To Do This Week

I once went to a therapist.  I went in thinking that this person was going to “fix” me.

Finally, I’ll have the cure to my depression for the rest of my life.

I went in and he asked me why I wanted to see him.  As I told him my story, he began to cry.

This actually made me feel worse, because if I made a therapist cry I probably had a messed up story.

I walked away, thinking I was going to stay depressed forever.

Although that therapist wasn’t probably using the best approach, it wasn’t the only therapist I had seen.  I actually had two other amazingly good therapists.  They really were doing a great job.

The only problem was, I still wasn’t 100%, even working with these great therapists.

That’s because depression isn’t always just the result of a cognitive problem.  In fact, if you’ve tried traditional approaches and they failed you, that’s because…

Depression Is A State

It took me so long to realize this.  So many years of my life were wasted thinking that I had to “think” differently or that there was something inherently wrong with myself and that is why I was depressed.

Then I started really looking into vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and nutrition.  I started testing my Vitamin D levels, taking a bunch of magnesium, and making sure my hormones were in check.

Suddenly, I started having positive thoughts… As if they were happening on their own!

Wait a minute… Aren’t we supposed to have to force these positive thoughts?

Don’t get me wrong.  Making sure your thoughts are based in reality is essential to living a healthy and sane life.

But changing your thoughts to fix your depression is just one side of the coin.

Negative Thoughts Are Also A “Symptom” Of Depression

There are two sides of the coin with depression and thoughts.  On the one hand, negative thought loops will make you depressed.  On the other hand, being depressed will cause negative thought loops.

It took me many years to realize there was another side to the coin.

How positive your thoughts are is also an indicator of your level of depression.

If you feel great, have a bunch of energy, just got done exercising in the sun, and have all the systems in your body running smoothly, you’re thoughts are going to reflect that.  If you have been sick for two weeks, eat McDonalds every day, have a severe Vitamin B12 deficiency, and can’t digest gluten, it’s probably a good thing you are having negative thoughts.  At least they are showing you that something is wrong so that you can look into how to fix your issue.

Realizing that thoughts are often a sign rather than the cause of your depression was one of the first steps in me being depression free.  Thoughts can cause depression, but thoughts also are a result of depression.

When Therapy Started To Work

Therapy started to work when I started fixing the physical causes for my depression.  I got to the point where I was able to implement what therapy taught me.  I had the energy to make the changes necessary in my life.  I had the mental clarity required to process new thoughts and not just think about suicide.

If you’ve been depressed for a long time it is likely that you have let relationships go, maybe haven’t showered in a couple days, and haven’t worked out in a month.  Changing those aspects of your life is critical to staying depression free.  But in a depressed state you aren’t going to have the energy to do so.

You might still get sad, but in a healthy state of mind it will just be that… Temporary sadness.  Not something that lasts 2 months straight.

I can’t work on myself or change my thoughts until my state was in a place that I could work from.

Nutrition and balancing the brain and body is the foundation upon which all the other methods began to work.

What a relief.  Finally I’m not struggling with severe pain everyday trying to do what I need to do.  Instead I can go after my goals and change my life from a place of energy.

Tried to change your thoughts for years and still depressed?  Tried to change “yourself” or “think positive” or “visualize success” and still feel like complete shit?  Then you need to look at the deeper reasons why you feel that way.  Maybe those negative thoughts are a blessing and will finally get you to fix your thyroid problem.

Seriously.  Get some tests done on your Vitamin B and D levels, check your Thyroid (especially if you have weight problems), check your sex hormones, and make sure you don’t have any food allergens.  Stop eating sugar.  Take some probiotics.  Do it this week.

0

What They Didn’t Tell You About Success

Every second that you watch the ocean shiver as it foams against the shore, your bank account is growing. The sound of the soft blue water rocks you to sleep at night and gently wakes you up in the morning. You arise without an alarm clock, hop in the Lambo and drive to your other mansion, just because you can.

If we plucked anyone off the street and gave them the above package, they’d surely be happy.

Right?

Except all wealthy people know something about that situation that you don’t. Having money isn’t the problem. More money will never solve money problems.

Success is a Process

According to the millionaire MJ DeMarco, we like to see success as an event. We see when someone sells their software company for $13 million and call them lucky. When a basketball player’s salary makes us green with envy we call him a bastard.

We forget the 2 years of the software developer’s life that he spent working 80 hours a week eating Ramen Noodles. We forget the hours of practice, injuries, and surgeries behind the ring on the basketball player’s finger.

What makes someone successful is the actual road itself.

If someone wants to get better at mountain biking, they don’t improve simply by reaching the end of the trail. Its the ruts, mind-numbing close calls, and the skin they left behind on a few rocks on the trail itself that turns them into a better rider. Getting to Point B doesn’t make you successful. Its going to Point B that makes you successful.

Success is a mindset. You don’t get stronger in weight-lifting by the weight being above your head. The contractions of your muscles while you are on your way there is what ignites the growth. It is the process of lifting the weights that makes you stronger.

If you want to invent a product and make millions, people are going to hear that and instantly dismiss it and call you a dumb ass. This might seem like a hindrance to your success.

This is exactly what you want. Resisting social pressure is an opportunity to harden the inner determination that is crucial to your development. If the road was easy, everyone would be doing it and everyone would be wealthy (which in turn would cause nobody to be wealthy).

The comments by other people don’t hurt your ability to become successful, they train you to be successful. See the common theme? In ignoring these thoughts and learning to use them for motivation, you learn to think for yourself and move forward regardless of doubt.

You need to focus on the process. Instead of focusing on becoming healthy, focus on the activities that increase health. Instead of “becoming healthy,” focus on “eating well, sleeping enough, and exercise.” Fall in love with the process, be ruthless with which processes you need to focus on, then do them.

Happiness

It’s not reaching the end of the trail or the big bank account that makes someone happy. It’s who they have to become in order to get to the end of the trail or have an endless amount of money.

It is about losing everything and being the person who can build back your assets in a few years.

Having great stuff never makes someone happy. But being great does.

Think about the kids when you were younger who were born filthy rich. If your experience is anything like mine, the majority of those kids are far more unhappy than the kids who had to work for what they wanted. Most of them lack a certain drive and appreciation for life.

It’s one thing to be born at the top of the mountain and know nothing but the view from the top. It’s another to be born haphazardly on a jagged rock near the side of a muddy yeast infected river at the bottom of the mountain, climb your ass to the top while everyone at the bottom insults your efforts, then soak in the view you’ve never seen while you catch your breath and wipe the sweat and blood from your forehead.

Do you realize there is a guy somewhere in Africa who owns absolutely nothing, who is dancing around a fire like a badass enjoying his life more than you?

Creating a great deal of money won’t magically make you happy. However, becoming the type of person who gives extreme amounts of value to others in order to make that flow of income happen, will.

Your Secret Weapon

“If you want to live like no one else, you have to live like no one else.” – Dave Ramsey

Whenever you have doubt creep in, when social pressure builds, remind yourself that in order to be extraordinary you have to do extraordinary things. You have to live like no one else.

When you’re eating veggies and your friends call you crazy for not getting a Big Mac from McDeath, you’re on the right track. When you fail for the sixth time, get depressed, then realize that this is yet again another opportunity to learn from, you’re on the right track.

The next time someone calls you crazy, smile. This is your chance to overcome social pressure and keep going.

It’s nice and enjoyable to ride down an easy smooth mountain bike trail, but it doesn’t change you. Those big ear-to-ear smiles are reserved for those trails where you are forced to avoid jagged rocks, slide out on impossible turns, yet still survive to the end.

Lifting an easy weight above your head gets the job done, but it isn’t until you lift that weight you didn’t know that was possible that your muscles are forced to break down and repair themselves.

You can be successful right now. You can hop on the the trail that’s going to challenge and push you. You can make the decision to choose what you want and make it happen no matter what. You can choose those processes you know lead to success and do them everyday and watch yourself slowly transform into the person you want to be.

Leverage (How Bad Do You Really Want It)

Okay, so you’re ready to focus on the processes of what you need to do to become what you want to become. Want a fail-proof way to f0cus on those processes? A technique that if you use it, you will accomplish anything?

Let’s say you want to start a website. Send a trustworthy friend a check for $1,000. Tell him that you are going to work on your website one hour a day and you will send him an email every night for 3 months with details on what you did. Tell him the day that he doesn’t receive an email from you he gets to spend every cent of it as fast as he can.

In 3 months, you will have a website.

Actually, that’s how I started this website.

Overcoming Depression Is The Same

Don’t expect to take a random antidepressant and be cured of everything.  That is not the way things work.  Not only that, but over the long term you are hindering your chances of life-long success if you do that.

Overcoming depression means learning about your body, solving it at the root causes, and really buckling down to see what the real reasons are for why you are depressed.

Have you checked out your Vitamin D levels? Have you stopped eating sugar? Are you exercising 3 times a week?

0

Give Yourself the Cold Shock You Deserve

Immersing yourself in icy water is an ancient tradition that is only starting to gain attention in the Western world. It’s easy to read, read, and read some more about a topic, but that will never tell you whether or not it works for you.

So I tried cold showers. Now I haven’t taken a warm shower in two months. Here is why.

Increased Testosterone

Yes, I have actually noticed an increase in symptoms of testosterone. I feel more driven, competitive, and energetic when I take cold showers.

I almost get angry now if I don’t get to take out my aggression on some wild beast during the day to relieve my testosterone levels. If I don’t lift weights I begin to take out primal anger onto all my loved ones…

Want to see what an increase in testosterone feels like? Eat real foods with lots of healthy fats (like a Paleo diet), lift weights, and take cold showers.

When I’m doing all of the above I have to lift weights. I want to grab life and make it my slave.

There is something invigorating about turning on a shower, spinning the knob to point in the blue, looking that shower head in the eye and taking the bastard on.

Motivation

Taking a cold shower seems to “harden” me and my beliefs. It is a challenge that I overcome.

I ran a marathon completely on my own a few years back. It was all a head game. I noticed during my training for my marathon I seemed to have more confidence in my life. I felt more “grounded.” When your brain is begging you to quit you have to rely on those deep inner resources that you forgot you possessed. This sessions of drawing from your inner resources pools over into other areas of life.

I would tell myself that if I couldn’t complete the last 4 miles, how could I ever do anything else?

My goal in life is to be a successful entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs are faced with extreme social pressure. It’s weird to not want a job. It’s weird to go after financial freedom. It’s crazy to not be able to spend $65 on a night out because you’re living below your means with the intent to expand your means.

I recently read an inspiring book that lead me to start taking real action in my life. For some odd reason, I wanted to check out the reviews on Amazon. I clicked the one-star reviews and read. I started to doubt again. I started to settle. I started to wonder if it is all just lies, that working a job for 40 years is really the way to go.

I had to take my night time shower and was feeling weak. I turned the shower on and it was colder than normal. As I started to get in, my breath shortened, I desperately wanted to turn it to hot water, then just stopped and said NO. Overcome your mental barriers and do it! Go through the discomfort for 5 minutes!

“If you can’t take 5 minutes of cold showers, how do you expect to run a business? Will you keep going when you lose $10,000 if you can’t even trust yourself to go through 5 minutes of discomfort in the shower?”

I got out of the shower motivated as hell, albeit a little pissed off, but not doubting myself anymore. Sounds a little crazy? Yes. Did it work? Yes.

Better Skin

I used to lather lotion all over my skin after every shower. I constantly had dry skin and would even get the occasional case of dandruff.

One time after a scolding hot shower I forgot to put lotion on. I went to work and my skin was so dry that the bottom of my feet cracked and started bleeding.

It makes sense when hot water washes away the natural oils your skin uses to keep its self hydrated and healthy. Hot water opens up your pores, essentially stripping your skin of its awesomeness.

Now the only thing I do after I shower is put a little bit of moisturizer on my face. My skin looks healthier than it has in a long time. It has the glow of a facial cream saleswoman at the mall mixed with the masculine determination of James Bond.

Wakes You Up in the Morning, Puts You Asleep at Night

When I wake up and take a cold shower, it kicks my manhood into overdrive. The day goes from being a sunny, pleasant afternoon to a beast that is to be dominated and subdued. I begin to think about all the tasks I need to do and go after them with the focus of a predator on its soon to be sorry prey.

At night when I take a cold shower, it wakes me up for about 5 minutes, then a sledgehammer from the heavens comes down on my pineal gland releasing a surge of melatonin to run loose on my vulnerable nervous system. Wrapping myself up in a cocoon of blankets is so much more enticing coming from an ice cold shower, waiting to hatch into the violent butterfly I am when I awaken…

Less Time in the Shower

Do you ever get into the shower only to get out an hour later?

I used to have a problem when I took showers. I’d always end up being in there for a good 20 minutes. I would literally tell myself, “I’m going to get out of the shower in 30 seconds.. 29… 28..” then when I got to 10 I would count really slow or forget that I was counting.

Cold showers are the exact opposite. As soon as you get used to the cold water on your chest you flip around and it hits your back and sends loving discipline throughout your soul. Instead of sitting in a shower that is steaming me like the healthy broccoli that’s awaiting me in the kitchen, I get my rush then get out and destroy the day, or let the night destroy me.

Help With Depression

Sometimes taking a cold shower is enough to rattle me and wake me up.  I never take a cold shower if I am feeling weak or have a low immune system as that would just destroy me, but taking a dose of cold water for a few minutes is enough to turn on a bunch of hormonal cycles within the body that fight off depression.

Give cold showers a try. Some claim that they can even help ease antidepressant withdrawals. You might hate them and never go back. But give it a week. They might just give you that sexy little shock that you need.

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Achieving Ultimate Health

I’ve read about 5 or 6 books on nutrition and health within the past 3 months. I’ve changed my diet a lot. I discovered that I am slightly lactose intolerant, so I rarely drink milk. Regular milk’s fat is highly processed and broken down to where the fats are unstable and unhealthy anyways.

I also completely cut out gluten for 3 weeks, then ate a big meal with pasta, and felt the difference. I’m slightly glucose intolerant also. I can eat a cracker here and there, but I stay away from it. Even if I wasn’t allergic, what is going to give you more nutrition, a bowl of pasta or squash? Bread or broccoli and carrots?

I started taking random amino acids for my depression. I took 5-HTP (I recently discovered that Tryptophan is actually a better choice) and DLPA. After a while, the DLPA made me a little “speedy.” Sometimes I felt a little high and other times I got a little angry. So I stopped taking it.

Best part about using amino acids? No withdrawals.

After reading a couple more books, however, I decided to step it up a notch.

In Depression Free Naturally.. Joan Larson has a table that she uses to get people’s emotions running right.

So being the obsessive person that I am I decided to do it.

First Couple Weeks

The first few weeks I felt amazing. Started to have so much energy that I joined a Muay Thai gym while still lifting weights. I was sleeping deeply (I used to be a hardcore insomniac) about every night. I still don’t sleep perfectly, but I can always at least fall asleep. I used to have nights where I wouldn’t sleep at all.

A couple of the supplements would give my stomach a few problems, and I think I have narrowed it down to Betaine HCL.

Down the Road

This morning I woke up, took some Tryptophan with an apple and niacin. Carbohydrates help Tryptophan cross the blood-brain barrier. The body converts Tryptophan into niacin if you don’t have enough, so taking the niacin ensures that the Tryptophan will be converted into serotonin.

I sit down and do my morning meditation to give my body some time to produce the serotonin.

I walk upstairs, eat my meal, and take my supplements. Fish oil, multivitamin, B Vitamins, extra Vitamin C (everyone is sick), amino acids, and antioxidant complex.

Go throughout the day nice and relaxed 🙂

Afterthoughts

I don’t plan on taking every single one of those supplements for the rest of my life. The point was to bombard my body with the vitamins and amino acids it probably has been deficient in for a long while.

I’d rather go all out and test out everything and be able to figure out exactly what I need and how it actually worked rather than speculating and researching without ever doing anything. I’ve gained a lot of wisdom on how my body reacts to various supplements through this experiment regardless of whether people made fun of me for taking pills like an old geezer.

Once this stack is gone, I plan on continuing with a high quality multivitamin, fish oil, B Vitamins, Vitamin C, and the antioxidant complex.

This also goes with saying that I hope that by that time, my diet will be under my control.

Supplements are supposed to supplement your diet. Therefore your diet is the most important aspect of health. Once I can begin to cherish the joy of eating grass fed beef, healthily raised chickens, and genetically pure broccoli, I will be able to see how my body reacts to healthy food.

Why TJ, Why?

Are you on your way to achieving ultimate health? If not, why?

The most common excuse I hear is, “Yeah, but that costs money.”

What about your gym membership? Does that cost money? What if I told you that you’d be better off eating right instead of working out and then stuffing yourself with a Big Mac?

That is the equivalent of someone picking out a car with a friend where the friend says, “This car is reliable, requires very few maintenance checkups, gets great gas mileage, and looks great.” Only to hear the reply, “Yeah but that costs more.”

Achieving better health is one of the greatest investments you could ever make. Think you’d make more money at your job or business if you had more energy?

What about all the money you’d save by not having to see the doctor or fight off cancer?

I’m interested to hear your responses. Why aren’t you investing in your health? Is money really a factor, or just an excuse to put off feeling your best? We spend money on TV’s so that we can relax and feel good. Let me tell you, eating right and becoming healthy feels far better than any gadget can make you feel, and with your energy you’ll probably get promoted anyway and can buy that plasma TV with your bonus.

Update: June 2012

I wrote this post last fall. Many things have changed.

For one, I don’t have to take any 5-HTP or Tryptophan. I only take vitamins. I eat the healthily raised beef. 😉

However, my cabinet still looks like this:

It’s all about experimentation. Figure out what your body needs. Try it out. See what happens, then adjust. Every body is different. If yours is telling you something is wrong with signs such as depression, get on the road to discovering what you need!

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How to Get High (Accidentally) Off Amino Acids

I was experimenting with taking Tryptophan for sleep.  When I take L-Tryptophan at night, I can tell that the effect carries over into the next day.  It’s as if the serotonin production continues even after I wake up.

I decided to take another Tryptophan right when I woke up without eating.  I did some deep relaxation for about an hour then ate an apple.  I continued throughout my day and started feeling really good.  This prompted me to realize it was the Tryptophan, so I went out and did sprints, played basketball, then came home and was feeling so much enjoyment out of life and the outdoors I called my friend to go mountain biking.

I came  home, ate a little tiny meal and took a couple Mood Support pills with a high quality B Vitamin.  I went mountain biking and nature just looked so amazing. My thoughts started to change… After the Mood Support things began to get a little odd…

I went to my friends house, washed off the bike, and just started feeling way too good.  I was calmer than I had ever been and was staring off into the trees with deep wonder.  I started driving home and music sounded amazing.  I started feeling random emotions and remembering things from my past.

High Off Amino Acids

As I was driving home I realized I was actually high.  I was flying like a kite.  It almost felt like a low dose of mushrooms – like a surge of serotonin pumping through my brain.  I started laughing with amazement out of everything.

I went home and just started hanging out with myself.  I was having a blast just hanging out being me, all by my lonesome.

So do Amino Acids work? I am not skeptical at all after that experience.  There is even a huge section on Longecity for amino acids such as Tryptophan, 5-HTP, etc.  Longecity is a website where people discuss nootropics, drugs and herbs that increase your brain power or mood without being harmful.

People actually take 5-HTP to help ease their MDMA withdrawal.

I could always tell they were slightly working, but it wasn’t until that day that I knew for a fact that they work.  They actually got me HIGH.

I wouldn’t do this again because I don’t want my brain to build up a tolerance to these amino acids. That would be the worse thing for me to do – make my brain gain tolerance for the amino acids that produce happiness.  However, I swore I knew they were working, but I didn’t want to delude myself just in case it was a placebo.

Test it For Yourself if You Have To

Don’t take high doses of amino acids all the time. Don’t be depleting your serotonin stores if you have depression! However, if you want to see for yourself the effects that amino acids can have, try this:

• Upon waking up in the morning, drink some water and eat an apple.
• Take a high quality B-Vitamin.
• Take a few Mood Support capsules, L-Tryptophan, 5-HTP, or any other amino acid in that category.
• Go for a walk or just hang tight with no food for a while and see what happens.

After that, you will know if amino acids have an effect on you!

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Are Your Psychiatrists Secretly Lying To You?

“TJ, you have a disease. What’s so wrong about having to take medication for the rest of your life?”

Disclaimer: Psychiatrists do help many people. Many of them are highly trained professionals that make a difference in others’ lives. I was studying Psychology for a long time in hopes of becoming a psychologist/psychiatrist. I’ve worked with places such as NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness), holding support groups, teaching classes, and giving speeches every now and then.

I’ve also interacted with many people personally who I’ve seen struggle with depression. I kept noticing, however, that many of these people who would try drugs would feel better would eventually have to up their dose or take a new drug to counteract the side effects of the first drug. Many of them would eventually stop altogether.

It wasn’t until my own journey to do whatever it takes to figure out that there was something else going on inside me that was causing me to want to end my life. Psychiatrists are good people, but if these approaches still aren’t working, could it be the approach that is flawed? What if the basis of their practice is flawed? Can people really be cured by a pill? Are we born deficient in a drug engineered by humans? Even if we do take an antidepressant, will the treatment be more effective while using other methods also?  Lets explore some background info on what’s really going on behind the scenes.

Pharmaceutical Companies Make Lots of $$$

Pharmaceutical companies are some of the most profitable businesses today. In 2008, Johnson & Johnson and Pfizer had combined revenues of $111,906,000,000. They had combined profits of over 20 billion dollars.

That’s a pretty massive number. To put that into perspective, Coca-Cola had profits just under 6 billion for 2008. Johnson & Johnson doubled that number in 2008.

They make money, so what? Lots of credible businesses do. But then again, if they could create a cure for depression that wouldn’t require further prescriptions, would they? Or would it make more sense to keep you coming back for more drugs and putting more money in their pocket? Would it make more sense to pay thousands of dollars for lobbyists to keep them in business?

The Truth About the Effectiveness of SSRIs

Why is that over 60% of people who try an SSRI discontinue their medication in under a year?

According to The Mood Cure by Julia Ross, the most common side effects of SSRIs are:

• Nausea
• No Orgasm
• Jittery
• Fatigue
• Disturbed Sleep
• Feeling Emotionally Flat
• Gaining Weight
• Less Interested in Sex
• Negative, even Suicidal Thoughts

What causes these side effects? Side effects are caused by the fact that these are foreign substances that your body doesn’t recognize! Your body tries to eliminate the foreign substance and in turn this causes side effects to occur.

My personal example is with Citalopram (Celexa). It worked amazingly for a few months, then they would have to up the dosage. This went on and on until I became aggressive and angry. I started to become manic and had bipolar episodes, eventually putting me on Lithium. I took lithium for one day and had the worst road rage incident of my life.

Most people, including myself, are led to believe that these drugs are tested by the FDA to ensure their safety. The FDA requires drug companies to provide only six weeks of testing to prove a drug’s safety and effectiveness. According to a writing in the New England Journal of Medicine, “51% of approved drugs have serious side effects not detected prior to approval.”

In fact, according to Talking Back to Prozac by Dr. Peter Breggin, Prozac conducted fourteen studies. Four of which were used to compare Prozac to a placebo, of which only three were used. Of the remaining studies, only two studies were positive about Prozac. In fact, the other eight showed that an older antidepressant, imipramine, was more effective. The FDA only selected the positive studies and excluded the majority of which were negative!

The scariest of all is that there is a possibility that SSRIs such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil can cause irreversible damage. When the human body has an overload of a substance, it automatically starts to down regulate its receptors to balance itself.

For example, if you take large amounts of cortisone, a synthetic adrenal hormone, your own production of this chemical will stop and your adrenals will gradually atrophy.

What could possibly happen if you took an SSRI for 20 years? 40 years? No one knows, because there won’t ever be any studies for that length of time.

Are You Born Prozac Deficient?

Is the cause of your depression (or other mental problems) really from not taking these drugs? What about these other common causes of depression, as listed in Depression-Free, Naturally by Joan Larson:

• Essential fatty acid deficiencies in the brain
• Vitamin and mineral deficiencies or dependencies
• Hypothyroidism
• Hypoglycemia
• Brain allergy reactions to foods (food allergies)
• Buildup of fungal molds or yeast
• Histadelia (elevated histamine levels within the body)
• Buildup of heavy metals in the brain
• Brain damage from alcohol or drugs, prescribed or otherwise

Let’s say you are depressed and begin to take Zoloft when it turns out that you actually have a vitamin deficiency in your brain. You may feel better for a few months, then have to up the dose. Again, you feel better for a few months, but then have to switch medication. You would literally be changing your dose, trying different medications, and ultimately be making your situation worse when all you really need is some Vitamin B6!

My favorite quote from Depression-Free, Naturally is “if there is a drug that is found to heal, there is also a natural substitute that can heal.”

SSRIs work by causing your existing serotonin to be trapped in your synapse, causing your brain to reuse the same serotonin over and over. Did you know that tryptophan, a naturally occurring amino acid, is the only chemical that has the ability to actually produce serotonin in your brain? Better yet, if you aren’t getting enough from your diet, it can be purchased for a decent price?

Your depression isn’t telling you that you need Paxil. It’s telling you that either something is wrong in your life or that you have a biochemical problem. The brain is over 60% fat. Could the fact that you never eat fat or fish possibly be the reason why it isn’t functioning correctly?

Putting It All Together

I don’t want this post to sound as if I am attacking pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists. I’m simply an unbiased person who’s tried all the approaches to solve my own suicidal depression and have found, like many others, that drugs such as antidepressants have fallen short.

Don’t get me wrong, an antidepressant may be necessary to get you out of the slumps. It was life-saving for me as it allowed me to pick myself up and get to where I am today. However, I believe their real strength is in short-term benefits, and typically should be avoided, if possible, in the long-run. Just my six months of being on Celexa produced severe withdrawal symptoms.

You may be in a situation where natural remedies don’t seem to work, and it’s either take antidepressants or kill yourself. In that case I would encourage you to continue your antidepressant while on the journey to finding the real cause of your blues.

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How To Feel Compassion For All Things

As I show my Pearl Export, with Evans C2 Heads, PDP double bass, Zildjian cymbols, sexy Gibralter, Floating tom, Sabian B8 Ride, to a man who wants to buy, I suddenly remember just how much, I loved that guy.

The Wine Red color seeps deep into my memory. I remember playing shows, hearing my bass drum miked up so when I flicked my ankle my ribcage shook. Where every sound made would surely be known.

The feeling of being in a band, being yelled at, having the lead guitarist sweating in my basement claiming he didn’t go out of time, but then smiling and laughing about it after playing in front of a crazy crowd. Those experiences are hard to find.

Remembering the band practice right before a show, where I chose to make up a “semi-song” for “just in case they ask for an encore.” And they did. And we lied and said we didn’t have a song, but could improvise. And played the song we made up till they didn’t want it anymore.

I haven’t been able to play the drums in over 2 years, due to neighbors in apartment complexes having functioning ears. I never really thought about what it would be like to play again, until it came time to sell this thing that had suddenly become a friend.

I feel an urge to hold on, but quickly remind myself there is no point in that endeavor. They won’t be played by me for a long while or so, they might as well live on with another drummer. One must always go with the flow, even if that results in a temporary bummer.

So why do I feel, such compassion for this drum set? This group of connected objects, that provided me with more memories than I thought I was going to get? Could I go on, without it? Or is it necessary to hold on? Neither is exactly true, but to keep the memories and sell it without a further due.

How to have compassion for any and all things, is to realize that they are temporary.

It isn’t until our grandma is turning 85 that we start to realize we should have spent more time with her. It isn’t until we are halfway through college that we suddenly realize we didn’t go to enough parties and our time spent there was a blur.

It isn’t until we brake our arm that we find out its utility. It isn’t until we have been beat at our own game that we gain some humility.

How would life be different, if we truly reminded ourselves the true nature of every one thing. That to live is to eventually die and there is no point in trying to cling.

To treat our parents, as if they too, were starting to develop a relationship with the Grim Reaper. To treat our first year in school or on the job, as if it was our last and enjoy it deeper.

Life is a gift, one that can be taken away. And that goes for every item, breathing or not, that we see each and every day.

Remember the good, and that this will one minute all be a dream.
And the next time the Starbucks cashier messes up your latte, you’ll think twice about being mean.

How to have compassion for any and all things, is to realize that they are temporary.

2

Social Experiment – Being 100% YOU

I’m going to be honest here. I’ve studied some pickup before. And it kind of made me a weird ass.

I was just lonely and tired of being lonely so I was trying all sorts of weird things to connect with people.

This post is from a long time ago and I have since moved on from trying to randomly date as many people as possible, but it still was important for me at the time.

I think I had more anxiety towards women after studying how to approach women.

Yes, I got some results.

But something just was not right. It was as if I was portraying something else. It was actually protecting myself from really getting rejected, and from really creating a connection with other people.

I was objectifying the whole process.

So I said screw it, I’m going to go out and try being brutally me right in girls’ faces.

Being Brutally Honest with Women at the Mall

The first girl I approached straight on, looked her right in the eyes and said, “Hey. I’m TJ. I had depression and cured it naturally.”

She loved it. She responded, “Really? That’s cool! I’m from Israel. I used to eat really healthy.”

What? Why would someone be attracted to you if you had a history of depression?!

We created a real connection. I wasn’t lying at all. I wasn’t being some weird alternate form to try and get her to approve of me. It was real. I later complimented her, because I wanted to. Not to try and “increase her attraction.”

Update: Even though our conversation was short, I later saw her at the mall. She waved at me with the biggest smile I’d seen all week. I honestly felt like I knew her as a long lost friend from talking with her for 5 minutes honestly then what would have happened over a year of bullshit.

Younger Brother Steps it Up

I was with my younger brother at the time and he wanted to test it out as well. So we decided that he should go up to a girl and straight up tell her what he’s been doing lately. He walks up like a pimp that he is and says, “Hey I’m Brady. I’ve been playing way too much Madden NFL 2010 lately.”

Normally you would think that playing a video game for large amounts of time would be unattractive, but later on in the conversation this girl started hitting on him. She started to hint at him saying things such as, “You know, I’ve played Call of Duty before…”

Party

 

My friend somehow got a hook up to a really awesome party just because my friend is, well, awesome. I decided to be straight up and honest again since it was such a relief to just let go and be me.

I acted almost irreverent. I was 110% TJ baby. I did not care whether or not she liked it, I talked openly about everything.

We later sat down next to some other people and instead of trying to pull some weird pick up techniques we were just us, there, having a good time and looking to get to know them.

Why This Works

Have you ever known a girl that would cling to you? Maybe it was fun at first, but after a while it felt like you were her only source of happiness?

That you could do whatever you want, take advantage of her, and she wouldn’t care?

Did you ever feel like you really knew this person? Did you trust them? When you asked them questions, could you tell they manipulated their answer to sound more pleasing to you?

How do you think girls (or if you are a girl, guys, but it’s easier for me this way dammit) feel when they know everything you are doing is to get them to approve of you? That you don’t have any value of your own to offer but only want them to validate you so you feel worthy?

The paradox of all this is that again, you shouldn’t “be yourself” because its “going to get me lotz of gurlz!” You should be yourself because you owe it to yourself.

You owe it to yourself to be with people that love and appreciate who you are. You owe it to yourself to be with people that you (not your friends or family) think are awesome.

Maybe your friends think Susie is a total babe and Sarah is just alright. However, you feel awesome with Sarah and Susie is kind of a bitch. Who should you hang out with?

I always respect the person that is honest with others and lives their own life. When people see you confidently being you just because you are damn good at being you, they are going to realize they can be themselves as well. They are going to see that you are real and it will be like a breath of fresh air to have a real conversation with a real person. Even if they don’t like you, they are probably secretly envious of you. It doesn’t matter what you have. It just matters that you are you and do what you fucking love.

That is just a random girl that my friend Juan talked to. To be honest I took this picture just to look cool and get your approval.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No need to impress anyone. Just do you.